My mother is completely incomprehensibly ridiculous when it comes to interior design. I don’t mean because she chooses outlandish colours and fabrics, or that she has a penchant for lip shaped Sofas and fibre glass chandeliers, I mean that she has an unavoidable eye for detail.
The most productive phase of her interior design schemes are the actual buying of paint. She will buy masses upon masses of samples with only varying degrees of colour tone and then proceed to paint hundreds of rough square patches onto the walls to compare.
It is at this time when I observe that our house becomes noticeably empty of the frequent visitors that we normally enjoy and the rest of the family start making excuse not to come over to dinner. I don’t blame them. If anyone so much as ventures a timid foot through the threshold then they are bamboozled into said room and interrogated about which colour they like best.
The process goes somewhat like this;
The poor victim will explain that in fact, the colours all look the same to him yet until he chooses one in particular he is not released.
Admitting defeat he reluctantly chooses one of the slightly varying patches because it seems to be the closest match to the new sofa, yet little does he know that his trials and tribulations are only just beginning.
Questions of why fly at him; ‘why, why, why?’ he is asked repeatedly until he can think for long enough to make up an answer before being subject to a lecture on why in fact shade 001.2 is better than 001.1.
I pray for lips shaped sofas and fibre glass chandeliers. At least it would make things a bit interesting.
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